I Feel Good!
Posted by thePhenomenalLaurenG on February 12, 2009
I am majorly into the Law of Attraction. You will learn more about my affinity to it as you share my life with me in this blog. I have been attracting a lot of confusion and misery to myself in this past year. It is crazy for me, because I know better. Well, I say that to say this. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. We were such great friends many years before, but now we reside in sort of a love hate relationship.
I must tell the truth about myself. I have not had many boyfriends and I much prefer being single to having a boyfriend or lover. I know weird, right? But true. I like dating. If someone that I date gets on my nerves. I can simply stop dating them. Oh, and I’m not in denial. It’s simply a full fledged fear of commitment on my part. I make my boyfriend out to be such an Ogre. Because of this fear, I see things in a way that makes him even more so an Ogre in my eyes.
After I have let him go, then I am singing the Beyonce song Halo and wanting him back. This song reminds me of the times when I see all of the good in him and want to be with him forever. I want to feel like this everyday. Curse that dang fear of commitment!
So, I am going to eradicate that fear and attract more love between us. As I sit here and think about it, I have been more mean in this relationship than he has. Usually, if he is upset, it is not even with me. He is upset with someone else. Then I get upset, because I don’t think he should be upset. Wow, sounds silly now that it is on the computer screen. Maybe he does actually wear a halo, dealing with that bull.
Pray for me yall. Admiting it is the first step.
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Share this with someone. Anyone. Going to tell him how much I love him. ~gerlaine
andreym24 said
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been through this before. My gf used to come home angry from work and she used to spill her anger on me. When she gets upset, I get upset because I don’t know if it has to do with me and because I don’t feel the love I should be feeling.
I almost wanted to break up but when there is love involved it’s very hard. We had a long discussion and now we are ok.
I think you should have that discussion and tell him what bothers you. In fact a relationship is there to make both happy.
1gerlaine said
Thank you, Andrey, for your comment. I will take your advice to the utmost. Thank you.
frecklesncurls007 said
I’m exactly the same way with men that you describe. My fear of commitment and fear of abandonment have tea with each other every Thursday afternoon. Hang in there. You’re further along in the game than I am. I don’t have a boyfriend. LOL!
Btw…I live in the neighborhood where Beyonce grew up. I think her mom still lives here. I’ve been trying to figure out which house is theirs because it’s not that big of a neighborhood, but I don’t know yet.
1gerlaine said
Freckles, thank you for your comment. Thanks for the encouragement. Like I said, I haven’t had many boyfriends. I am a bit difficult to deal with. I try to push men away, even though I know how to make them stay. “The fear” makes it difficult to practice what I know.
Ps. When you find that house. Draw me a map. LOL!
karmakorrupt said
Thank you for being brave enough to share with us, Gerlaine. Many of us hold ourselves back from receiving the very things that we desire. If you want the love, your best choice is to let go and begin to live as that loving example, especially toward your man. You might get hurt, and you *will* have to take some big steps. Perhaps you know love as pain; perhaps painful love makes up the majority of examples that you have received in your life. Begin to let go, give up control and allow yourself to love…and your love will heal all of those around you. Love and happiness attracts more of the same. Now most of us know these things but it is much easier said that done.
When you run into conflict in your relationships do not be afraid to look in the mirror. The weak will run, the strong stay and work on themselves. Blessings
1gerlaine said
Thank you Karma! You are the best. I do love that man. And as I listened to Beyonce. I did realize that it was me and not him. And he must love me, because he has held on through it all. So, I am blessed. Thank you again Karma.